Swoodilyquotes

I think a big part of being a parent is being around. So I’m going to try that out for a while.

Schmerg, the light is changing. I have to move because ‘the risen sun is too bright in my losing eyes’.

I hope that I am a good dad, but if I am, it’s not because I can, like, make some jokes while holding a video camera and overcooking asparagus.

I cannot tell you how excited I am to become an infrequent flyer.

The thing about traveling all the time is that, while it’s true that you get to be the first person to die in, like, the rabbit plague or whatever, and that’s huge, you also have to spend a lot of time away from your family. And that sucks.

I do realize this is the first-worldiest of all first world problems, like, ‘Waah waah, I have to go 30,000 feet in the air and observe the majesty of Earth on a regular basis.’

My zombie apocalypse plan: become a zombie as quickly as possible. I don’t want to watch all the people I love slowly be overtaken by the undead.

Oh, no, it’s my pleasure to cooperate with that federal security requirement. My only request is that, two minutes from now, you let me know about the same requirement.

This whole business about only discussing who’s to blame distracts from the larger issue.

It’s like if a doctor told you you had a slow-growing tumor in your fingernail, and you responded by saying, ‘Quick! Remove my gallbladder!’

We have a long-term problem which requires a long-term solution.

I want to find a way to say, ‘Thank you for making me lean forward.’

They [Public radio] sell an ass-ton of tote bags.

I hope I didn’t just alienate the entire brony community by calling ponies Whats.

Let us not dwell on our various miseries. Instead, let’s discuss advertising!